How to Hold a Wine Glass (A Guide to Surviving Among Snobs)

There comes a moment in every wine drinker’s life when you find yourself surrounded by people who seem to have taken a masterclass in how to look superior while drinking fermented fruit juice. They stand there, glasses in hand, discussing “legs” and “nose” and “finish,” and all you can think is: why is everyone holding their glass like they’re about to cast a spell?

So let’s get this out of the way: yes, there’s a “right” way to hold a wine glass. And no, it’s not because the gods of Burgundy demand it — it’s because humans are warm, messy creatures and wine is sensitive. When you hold a glass by the bowl, you warm the wine with your hand. This is a tragedy if you’re drinking a crisp Sauvignon Blanc, less so if you’re wrestling with a brooding Syrah. But among wine snobs, it’s always a faux pas. So, if you want to blend in, do this: pinch the stem gently between your thumb and forefinger, maybe with a third finger for balance. Keep your pinky calm — this is wine, not tea with the Queen.

If the glass has no stem — a so-called stemless glass, which every minimalist restaurant now worships — your options are limited. You can hold it near the base, pretending to balance it lightly like a philosopher contemplating mortality. Just don’t cup it like a mug of cocoa. That’s a dead giveaway that you read “Wine for Dummies” once and never made it past page ten.

For extra authenticity, try these moves:

• The thoughtful swirl. A small, controlled rotation of the wrist — as if the wine itself has secrets you’re coaxing out. Don’t overdo it. You’re aerating, not summoning spirits.
• The active listening. Place a glass of swirling wine to your ear and listen. If you're a true connoisseur, you'll hear a gentle breeze rustling the vineyard leaves, a drop of falling morning dew… well, and maybe some other bullshit.
• The contemplative pause. Hold the glass up to the light, as if inspecting it for moral clarity. Snobs love this one.
• The micro-sip. Never gulp. You’re not drinking; you’re evaluating the passage of time, sun, and soil through liquid form. Take a small sip, furrow your brow slightly, and murmur something about structure.

Of course, you could also do the radical thing and hold your glass however the hell you want. Because while the stem-holders preen and posture, the real wine lovers are too busy enjoying what’s in the glass to care about the grip. Still, if you find yourself surrounded by the devout, it doesn’t hurt to play along.

So, stem by the fingers, bowl untouched, pinky holstered, swirl slow, sip small. Congratulations — you now look like you belong these clown society. There's just one problem: you risk forgetting the most important part: you’re supposed to be drinking the wine, not juggling glasses.